he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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