I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
