They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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