I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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