i may or may not be watching the land before time
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
