During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
