One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
