Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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