i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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