I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
