It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
