I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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