laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
