i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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