I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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