guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
