News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
