Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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