if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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