After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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