I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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