i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
