So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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