I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Help. Why am I so naked?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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