Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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