I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
