have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
