I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
