Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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