If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
