i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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