I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
