I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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