She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
