i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
