its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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