you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
