Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize