Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
