I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize