i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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