I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
