i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just invented taco cereal.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
