Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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