There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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