He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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