My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
