No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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