someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
