I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
