Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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