You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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