we're chasing vodka with high fives
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
