I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
