just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
40s are totally the cure
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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