He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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