Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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