be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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