Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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