1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
