Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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