I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
