dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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