I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
