from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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