he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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