If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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